Selsdon Baptist Church
A church at the heart of the community
Selsdon Baptist Church is a Registered Charity No. 1126971 Copyright Selsdon
Baptist Church 2009 -
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Loneliness
Are You Lonely?
This article by Care for the Family which you may find it helpful
Recently, British pop band The Feeling had a hit single called ‘Never be Lonely’. The band sings about the silly things people do when they’re ‘in love’, but concludes that “at least they’re not lonely”. It’s a theme many of us can relate to because, for many of us, loneliness can be one of our biggest fears.
It’s possible to feel lonely in a crowd, if we feel that no-
So what can you do to feel more connected? Here are eight things to bear in mind:
- Take the initiative. Everyone needs their ‘own space’ sometimes, and many people value solitude, but if you feel lonely at times, try taking the initiative. If you can’t go out to meet people, try inviting them to you – offer to host a meal, a book group or a ‘match night’ to watch the week’s big game. If you have space, invite friends to stay for the weekend.
- Take a bold step. If you often feel lonely in a crowd, for example, at a party, you might need to take the brave step of simply talking to people, and being willing to engage in conversation. It is hard to strike up a conversation if your natural inclination is to wait until someone talks to you. But, like everything, it gets easier with practice.
- Make sure your friendships go deep. Even though you ‘know’ a lot of people, you may be feeling lonely because your friends are just acquaintances. Deeper friendships are formed in a climate of trust and honesty. It can take courage to be vulnerable, but it’s the best way to develop friendships. If you want acquaintances, share your successes – but if you want to develop friendships, share some of your failures. And in a marriage, being able to talk honestly to each other about how we feel is important if the relationship is to grow.
- Talk to one another. If you’re married and feel lonely in your marriage, try to talk to your husband or wife about how you feel. Being able to talk honestly and listen is important if your relationship is to grow. Maybe go back to doing the things you enjoyed when you first met, or discover a new interest together. And do seek help if you need it.
- Seek to be involved. Do you ask people to accompany you to things, or do you always wait for the invitation? The truth is that sometimes you have to ask for the invitation! When you overhear people talking about a film, you can always ask, “Hey, would you mind if I came to that?”
- Find people with similar interests. What are you really interested in? Is there a local club or society, for example, a photography club, or a particular activity like walking or badminton that you’d enjoy? If there are no societies, consider taking an evening class – you may meet a few people who want to set up a regular group once the class has finished.
- Choose a mentor. You could also ask someone you respect and trust if they would be willing to be your ‘mentor’. Meet once a month to discuss solutions to the challenges you face. You may talk about a host of issues, for example: relationships, work, family, friendships, life changes, etc. Knowing there is someone you can talk to will help you feel connected. If you’re married, find another couple you can meet with regularly for mutual support.
- Get in touch with Care for the Family. Sometimes loneliness is rooted in feeling like you’re the only person who is experiencing a particular situation, but Care for the Family can help.
There are specialist befriending networks for bereaved parents, those widowed at a young age, and parents whose children have special needs.
Email Care for the Family at or call (029) 2081 0800 if you would like to be put in touch with one of these networks.
There’s also a pen pal scheme for single parents – you can find out more on the website.
And if you feel unable to speak to a friend or mentor about the challenges you face, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Talking our problems through with someone who has insight can be really helpful.
If you would like to talk to someone at Selsdon Baptist, contact details are here